- Well, good morning. And for the hardy ones out here, good to see ya. Can they hear you inside? I don't think they can hear you inside once you cheer, but that'd be a couple of you. Welcome to those in the tent and also those that are worshiping inside. We are grateful you've chosen to be here in whatever setting to worship together. And so whether you're inside or outside, here's what I want us to do. We are in the midst of ending actually this series on marriage and today's our Part three. And what I'd like for you to do is take your Bibles out. We're gonna go right into the very passage that we've been looking at over the past couple of weeks. So, use your electronic phone, you can use your iPad, whatever version you've brought in, or your physical Bible. You can grab the Bible in the chair rack in front of you. I want you to go to Ephesians chapter 5, and I want you to locate verse 21. And we'll read a couple of verses there. I also want you to take your notes out. Now you can find those at Rockpoint.church/today, right after the songs that you've just sung. So if you're there, you're right in the right spot, go ahead and pull the notes up. Some of the biblical passages that we're gonna look at are found right in the notes, and I want you to have those out as we work our way through this together. Let me pray for us and then we will begin. Lord, thank you for your Word. We ask that you would give us eyes to see your truth today, that you would give us hearts willing to obey, that we might live for you and in all things. In Christ's name we pray, amen. That hurt. I don't know whose guitar that is, but, yeah you wanna come get that? We had a guitar fall on this stage, so I'm not breaking them, I'm not doing that kind of thing. But we're gonna jump in and hopefully it'll be okay. All right, let's take a look. I want to start reading in Ephesians chapter 5, and I want you to look at verse 21. It's really the base behind what Paul says, starting in verse 22. He says, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ, if you've been with us the last two weeks, we've understood that this means we're serving one another. That's the key. We're submitting to one another and we're learning to serve one another within the roles that he lays out for us, starting in verse 22 with the wife's role, and then also the husband role starting in 25. And it doesn't matter the role, even though we gave you a glimpse last week of what that might look like. The issue is still the same, we're serving one another. We're setting aside ourselves and we're beginning to serve one another. Now in the process of doing this within marriage, Paul finally comes to verse 31. If you'll look down there, he says, "Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh." And he's quoting from Genesis. He's going back to the original marriage ceremony that was found in the garden of Eden. And he's saying that this is the way it's supposed to be. He's kinda laying that foundation, that marriage takes place, it's a permanent covenant with your spouse, they become one. And then he makes this statement in verse 32. He says, "This mystery is profound." And I'm saying that it refers to Christ and the church. Well, what's he talking about here? Well, as we've uncovered the past two weeks, he's saying that this mystery, what is the mystery? Well, the mystery is something that was revealed. It's not necessarily some mystical thing. He's saying it is something that wasn't found in the Old Testament but it is now found in the New Testament. What is that mystery? The mystery that's been revealed is that God loves you, and he sent a redeemer, Jesus Christ, to save you and transform your life. And his point here is that the marriage relationship actually is a picture of God's redemptive plan. Marriage actually pictures the gospel, it pictures God's grace. As we love and serve one another, as Paul has brought up here, starting back in verse 21, and then in our roles, that pictures Christ serving us and it pictures his work on the cross for us. And not only does our serving one another picture what Christ did for us, the change that happens inside of us, pictures the cross and resurrection. Because as we saw even last week, what ends up taking place is, as I have experienced grace, have I put my trust and my faith in Jesus Christ, as the one who paid the price for my sin? And grace means that God did for you, what you could never do for yourself. He paid the price. As I enter into that relationship, I taste his grace. Then I have the example of how he loved me to offer that to my spouse. And as I step out in faith, there is a dying to self, because now I'm serving someone else I'm putting their needs above my own. And that is picturing the cross. I'm setting aside who I am, and then I'm experiencing new resurrected power inside of me, as I become a different person transformed by his grace, and then offer that to my spouse. Now we learned last week too, that there is a gift that is given to us, that enables us to do it. And that is the gift of the Holy Spirit. Verse 21 is the last phrase of a long sentence that starts back with a statement that Paul says, that you've been given the Holy Spirit, and now you need to be filled with the Holy Spirit. Once a person puts their trust and their faith in Jesus Christ, as savior and Lord, you are given all of the Holy Spirit at that moment. But then it is a daily process of being filled with his spirit. And what we learned last week is that filling is not something you do. God does the filling, but you have to put yourself in a position to be filled. And that involves one word, and it is the word surrender. And what that means is once you've tasted his grace, once you understand that you are forgiven by what he has accomplished for you, you've seen his example, and now you step out in faith to live as Jesus Christ does. You're surrendering to the direction of the Holy Spirit in your life. He empowers you to actually live out his grace to your partner in marriage. Now this works for any relationship by the way, but we are really zeroing in on this context of marriage because that's where it's really refined. And this is when we get up every single day in our marriage relationship or in any relationship, but we'll zero in on marriage here, and we say, God, I thank you that you have saved me through Jesus Christ. My faith is in him and him alone. And it is this day that I'm asking that I no longer direct my life. I'm confessing that before you, and I'm asking that you would direct my life, that you would fill me with your power in order to live out this grace for my partner in this day. That's the filling that takes place. And then we begin the process of living out this grace-filled marriage, which is where we land today. So we experienced the gospel by communicating to those around us, that we are transformed. We are serving our spouse as Jesus serves us, and responding within this relationship. We're demonstrating how we're setting aside ourself, that's the death to self, that's the cross, and we're living out this new life empowered by the Holy Spirit because it's humanly impossible. And then the transformation begins to take place within us and we demonstrate how we are becoming a new creature in Jesus Christ, as we love someone the way Jesus has loved us. And that is a grace-filled marriage. And we're gonna look at that today. You know, grace is the game changer. And it's fascinating to me that, as we begin to live out this grace-filled marriage, God is working in and through us to address some real hardwired human needs that we have. And we're gonna look at those today. See every person here, whether it's outside or inside, or those that are worshiping online, you have been created by God, as part of your wiring, with three basic needs in your life. It is the need to be secure. It's the need to find significance. And it's also the need to find security in the midst of our world. It's just how we're wired. And the reason for that is because we've been wired to live our lives in relationship. There are needs in our life that ultimately God will fulfill, but it's fascinating as we unpack these, that God oftentimes works through our mate or through our friend if it's in a relationship, to fulfill these inner needs that he has wired us with. Now, again, if you know me by now, I always go back to a biblical basis. You'll see that all the way through our passage. It's fascinating when we go back to the original wedding ceremony that took place in the garden of Eden in Genesis chapter 2. And in Genesis chapter 2, there is really an expansion of the creation account in chapter 1. And by the time you get to chapter 2, verse 18, it's fascinating because God says a very startling statement. He says, "It is not good for man to be alone." Now we could have a lot of fun with this, okay? So guys, I want you to, you know, lighten up a little bit this morning and you know that as guys, right, we can get into some real messes in life. Please admit that I'm not the only one that does this. And oftentimes it's fascinating to me as I go through this passage, I look at it and I say, what on earth did the mess that Adam got into for God to come along and say, this is not a good thing for this guy to be living alone, so we gotta get him some help? And the key is though, I know we can have some fun with this, but the key is this. If you go back to chapter 1:26, you have a key phrase there that gives us an idea why God said it's not good for man to be alone. Now keep in mind, he's in the midst of a perfect garden, okay? There's no sin here yet. And he has a perfect relationship with God, the Father. And you'd ask yourself the question, man, that's all you need in life, right? I mean, I got God, I got everything. I got my dog. I got my, you know, animals, whatever that is. But he's not quite getting this idea of human relationship yet. Because God created us, and it says it in Genesis chapter 1:26, in his image. Because God makes a startling decision, he says, let us create man, meaning male and female there in chapter 1, in our image. Now God the Father, God the son, God the Holy Spirit exist in a perfect relationship. And if we are created in his image, that means we're created for relationship. Now, ultimately, yes, we are filled with him and therefore we have the capacity to love and to serve even when we're not being served. We've been there the last couple of weeks, but he still created us. There's still a driving need for a human relationship. Not just with God, he's created us to have a relationship with him, but also with one another. And that's why he said, it's not good for man to be alone. And let us make man in our image, in a relationship void in our life so that it can be met with God and with one another. And that's where we begin to see that we were not created to live alone. We were created to have friendship. We were created to live in a relationship with one another. And that is because there are some hardwired needs within our life. Ultimately, yes, God fulfills them. You'll see the biblical basis for each of these, but he oftentimes works through another in order to fulfill these on a human level, why? Because we were created to live within relationship. Now the good news is this, for those that struggle here, 'cause I have no idea what's going on in all of your marriages, for those who struggle here, there's hope. There is hope because God is the one who ultimately meets our need. And it is God who can move in and through you. So regardless of where you are, regardless of whether or not this is a first marriage or a second marriage or a third marriage, we start where you are and now we're moving forward, right? So the past is behind. We have a saying here at Rockpoint, come as you are, but don't stay that way. God wants to continue to work in and through you. And the good news is, regardless of where you are, as you evaluate your life with these inner needs, you can start somewhere. And I give you a heads up here because when we get to the end of our time, I'm gonna give you a next step assignment. And you'll have a chance to kind of evaluate where you are in your relationship together. But the good news is, God moved heaven and earth to adopt you into his family. And he's now equipped you to begin to at least start somewhere as you begin to bring health back into your relationships. So let's begin to unpack what this looks like. Grace gives your spouse a secure love. Now if you have this inner need for security in you, that is met by love. And that's why I say grace gives a secure love. Again, biblical basis. Let's go back to what God has done for us. And the primary way our heart feels security is by knowing we're loved. And that begins with God's relationship with us. Remember, a grace-filled marriage or a grace-based life is treating others, treating our spouse, treating our kids the way God treats us. So let's go back to the biblical pattern. Now you'll see this in your notes, that's why I wanted you to go there. Romans chapter 5:8 says this, "But God shows or demonstrates his love for us. And that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." In the midst of it, he reached down and he saved us. And that provides security in our life, not only for eternity, but security for this life. That's why I love Romans 8:38 and 39. Because here's the assurance that comes in by his love. Notice he says "For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God, in Christ Jesus, our Lord." my security in this life ultimately comes from knowing that I am saved, he's transforming me, and he gives me his love that is unconditional. And based on that, now I have an example for how to offer that to my spouse. Why, because he's changing me, he's transforming me, he's given me a new goal, and he's given me a heart desire to begin to do this and pass it on to my spouse. Now, when we talk about this idea of love, if I were to ask, whether you're inside or outside today, what your definition of love? My guess would be, I'd probably get a couple hundred definitions of love because it has so been mis-defined in our culture today. Love is not a feeling. Love is not infatuation, which is what most couples experience when they finally get together and they're going to get married. It still goes on. No, love is something more. And the best definition that I have found, biblical definition of love was written by a friend of mine, Dr. Tim Kimmel. And I have it in your notes, and I want you to look down there because it's got some key points to it. "Love is the commitment of my will to your needs and best interest, regardless of the cost." I love this definition because it pulls together everything we've talked about over the last two weeks, and it sets the stage for what we're talking about here with a secure love, and then everything that follows. First, it's a commitment of my will. It's a choice. It's not a feeling. We don't make good choices by our feelings 'cause feelings don't make choices. They're not good decisions makers. They follow along a willful commitment, a willful choice. And that's really at the foundation of everything Paul has been unpacking both in Ephesians and also back in Genesis. "Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother, hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh." He's talking about flesh sticking to the bones here. That's the Hebrew idea for coming together. And the idea that he's after here is the permanent covenant of a relationship, regardless of what happens. Now, there's a commitment to your needs and best interests. Now that brings up what we've talked about over the past couple of weeks with the Philippians chapter 2, where Paul says, look, whether it's any friendship, whether it's any relationship, set aside your needs for the needs of someone else. And then we have this great example of Jesus, obviously in Philippians chapter 2, where he came to serve us. So love is a commitment of my will to your needs and best interest. That means I'm putting you first. And then notice what he says, regardless of the cost. There's a cost. There's a cost to stay in in this relationship. And again, maybe it's a second marriage, maybe it's a third marriage, I'm not sure, but from this day forward, there is a cost and there's a covenant that you have made, and it needs to be for the rest of your life. To unpack what we're talking about here, we cannot lose sight of God's ideal. And God's ideal is that marriage is for life. No matter where you are right now, that's gonna be your life going forward. And as we come together here, it's an understanding that yes, there's a cost. You look down at the roles that are given in Ephesians chapter 5, starting in verse 22. And oftentimes we say, wow, you know, look at the sacrifice that these wives are making because they're having to submit to their husbands. That's the first thing we always go to. Now, I undid all of that last week, okay? Because we have a false understanding of that word submit. It doesn't mean doormat, it doesn't mean that he's a dictator. But most of the passage is zeroing in on the husband. He's the one that needs to be sacrificing. There's a cost on both ends. There's a cost that we build into one another's lives, as we practice verse 21, by serving one another and submitting, out of reverence for Christ, notice that. Wives, when you submit to your husbands, it's because Jesus is standing behind him, you're submitting to him. Husbands, when you serve your wife, it's because you're serving Jesus, standing behind her. And you're doing it out of your reverence for Christ because he's fulfilling you and you are doing it to please him. Ultimately, that's the goal of what he's after here. There's a cost for both. So, if you were to take this definition of love, and you were to take some time this week and go line by line and evaluate your love for your spouse, the question I would have you right up front is, how would you do? If you were to look at this and unpack it, where are you at? That's where we begin. With this definition of mine then, then how do we begin to love like this, whether you're a husband or a wife through the lens of grace to meet this need of a secure love? Well, the first thing is, we accept our spouse for who they are. No one is perfect. We've talked about this the last couple of weeks. And so if you're sitting next to your spouse right now and you're holding hands and all that kind of stuff 'cause we're talking about a marriage series, or maybe you're not, I'm not sure. Maybe you're elbowing them when we- But no one is perfect, okay? And your spouse is not perfect because they married you, okay? So we'll just leave it there. Now the biblical foundation for this is that God accepted us unconditionally. We are a community of broken and imperfect people who found hope in Christ, and why is that? Because we come as we are. And he receives us and he forgives us and he desires to transform us. And we offer that same to our spouse. Now when we accept them, we accept their weaknesses, strengths and weaknesses. It does not mean that we ignore bad behavior, by the way. That's not what we're talking about here. We accept them for who they are, the way that God has wired them, as God's gift. Personality, quirky mannerisms, everything. And we take comparison and we throw it out the window. Now let me illustrate this with kind of the big overall illustration from our marriage. And then you'll see this unpacked as we kind of work our way practically through all of this. By the way, whenever I use these illustrations, the thing I don't like that oftentimes happens in marriage seminars and those kinds of things is, we walk away and and we expect to be like the couple that's talking. This is our life, this is not your life, okay? You may be a husband and wife, and you may identify as a guy, more with Lynette, or a woman, with me or vice versa, it doesn't matter. These are general things, but you've gotta adopt it. I just wanted to show what this looks like in our situation. Now I'm gonna start with me. I am not flexible. I don't like change. I'm not very adaptable. I'm a perfectionist. And I like to go to the goal. Now Lynette is opposite. Remember I told you, sometimes we're similar, sometimes we're opposite. She is highly adaptable and highly flexible as she works her way towards that goal. And she's not a perfectionist. Now, initially this drove me crazy because I'm like, we gotta do this right. You know, there's not 25 ways of doing this, there's one way to do it and we are gonna get this thing right. But she's not that way at all. Now the gift on the other side of it though is this. She can plan events for hundreds of people, okay? I mean, she signs contracts with musicians, lighting crews, sound crews. She does food, you know, the whole deal. She does decorations. She works with a variety of different teams. And I'll show up at this event, and she'll be telling me all of the problems that happened with the people that she signed these contracts with. And you know what, there's a smile on her face, it's like energizes her. I'm like, I'm gonna fire that sorry soul. Get them outta here. You know, I just can't- And when the problem comes up, I don't like the problems either. And she just, she created incredible fun for the kids as a result of this. But when she gets into that zone, in that setting, she's working with people, flexing, lots of adaptability. It's just the way she's wired and so it's why she can plan events for hundreds of people. And they end up having a great time. And the reason is because she can manage all that, sees the big picture, but handles all of the details. And it just, it needs to be good enough, it needs to get done, but I'm still worried about the perfection side of things. And I don't like details. But that's her. Now, I saw this early on in our relationship. You know, we're driving towards a goal. We're taking a road trip with the kids. And I need to know if there's any guy like me. Do you like stopping on road trips? Any guy, or am I the only one? Some of you, nobody out here. Hopefully inside, maybe I'll find a friend. But I don't like to stop. So I'm like, put a bathroom on the back of the minivan. We're not stopping. And Lynette is that's not that way. I told you, she's highly adaptable, highly flexible. We'll be driving on a road, oh we haven't been there before. We haven't been there before. I'm like, I wanna get there tonight! But I've learned over the years, I've had to flex. And I'll get down the road, three, five miles, you know, you do a uey, come back. Okay, we'll stop there. Oh, you want to stop there? Gotta tell me ahead of time. Now eventually we get there, but here's the deal. I'm very driven to get there. She's more concerned about the journey to get there. Now, this became very real to me when we've traveled in different parts of the world. We'll go into Africa, we'll go into Haiti, and it doesn't matter where we are, it's an amazing thing that I saw begin to emerge within her. Lovely Lynette can be dropped in any country around the world, and she will find someone that she can engage with. She doesn't even need to know the language. I've seen this happen. We'll show up and all of a sudden, she doesn't know the language, she doesn't even have the gift of tongues, she begins to talk with this person, with her hands and with her face, and all of a sudden they're engaged in whatever kind of conversation they can have. And then I've watched her. She will grab somebody who knows both languages, "You come over here!" Remember I told you, she likes to run events. She'll pull, she'll plan, pull you over here. And then all of a sudden, we got this engaging relationship going on and I've watched it happen over and over again. Now, when she pulls you in, she does it in a loving way, but she wants to get to know this person, why? It's not because she wants to run you or lead you or say, hey, you can't do it. No no, it's because she wants to get to know the person she's with. So what ends up happening is this, we'll be walking through a slum and I will be way out in front, a block ahead. And it's, where's lovely Lynette? You know, we're gonna be late, Lynette. That's because she's a block back there, and I've seen it happen, she's surrounded by a group of kids, and she is engaging with those kids. And you know where the photographer is? He's not with me, he's back there with Lynette. He doesn't care whether or not we get to the church on time. He wants to see what's going on with the relationships. That's why we come back, in missionary pictures, I'm not in those mixtures, but she is. And the reason is because she's engaging in that relationship. And if she can find somebody to pull into the conversation so that they can engage in a relationship and help her understand how to even communicate in that relationship, she'll do that. It's a marvelous, marvelous thing. Now how we've ended up coming together is we end up leading trips to Israel. And hopefully we'll have one here in April of 2021, but there's a plan B in case that doesn't happen because of COVID. But we'll go over there. And now we've learned that I allow her to handle all the details 'cause I don't like them. And lovingly, she'll pull different people in with different gifts and smile and get them to kinda go along. You come over here. And you're an interpreter, right? So you come over here and you help me. She does it in a loving way, but she'll engage you, draw you into the conversation. She can now communicate with people, handle all the details, and I can just focus on what I do. So our tour guide and myself, we'll get you to the location, but I've also had to learn to engage with people along the way. 'Cause that's where she is so gifted, at building friends, whether we're in Rwanda or Kenya or Israel or Haiti, and I've seen it over and over and over again. Now here's the great basic question to ask, how do I make it easier for my spouse to do what they do best? That's the question you should be asking yourself. How do I make it easier for my spouse to do what they do best? Now, next, we find a secure love when we show affection to our spouse. And this happens physically, it happens with our words, it happens with our actions. This is the show me side of our love relationship. So if you want to create a secure love, this has to happen verbally, and in so many different ways, and physically, and it needs to be regular and it needs to be generous. And then it also happens when we serve our spouse. Now this is what we've talked about over the past several weeks. We've talked about what it means to engage and serve. And that's why I wanted to start with verse 21 of Ephesians chapter 5, because submitting means serving one another. It means dying to self. It means being resurrected to new life by putting someone else first. And this really gets into the refining character of a marriage relationship, where self is set aside in the selfishness and we begin to develop what it means to be other-centered and see our marriage in other people and particularly our spouse through the eyes of Christ. Now I'm gonna give you a book that I want you to write down for those of you that are already married, but you can give it to somebody who you know might be getting married, or if you got kids and they're married, go ahead. Here's a book, I'll give you one at the end as well. It's called "Sacred Marriage." I don't know if you've heard of this one before or not. The author is Gary Thomas. "Sacred Marriage." And the whole premise behind this book is that God doesn't want you just to be happy in your marriage, he wants you to be holy. And so there's the process. As we learn to serve one another, he begins to refine our character so that we can become more like Jesus. Well, let's move on to the second issue. God has given us grace in our life and that is so we can pass it on. And that is, grace gives your spouse a significant purpose. Yes, you are wired to find security and that's found in love, and that happens both with our love from the father to us, but then also our love for one another. That's why grace gives you the ability to provide a secure love. But then he also, we have this driven need for significance in our life. We wanna answer the question, why am I here on this planet? Now God gives us significance. That's the biblical basis, but we can pass that off by finding a significant purpose and giving that to our spouse. God has saved us, he's changed us, he's transformed us, and he's saved us for a particular reason. And now we can pass that off to the person that we're in a relationship with, whether it's a friendship but also for a marriage. What I want to do here is give you a couple of purposes that should be a part of any relationship in our life. As we understand grace and we live out what it means to picture Christ through our world, these are important. First God has given us a general purpose. If you look down at the verse that you have there from this little book in the Old Testament, Micah 6:8, he says this, "He has told you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? But to do justice and to love kindness and to walk humbly with our God." He really zeros in on some character qualities that are important, not only in a marriage, but in a relationship and also in a friendship. And also as we reflect Christ through our world. Life together can make it better for everyone and everybody around you, if we begin to look at the character qualities that should begin to refine us. And as I step out and love my spouse the way I'm supposed to, I find purpose. There's a significance there. I'm able to give to her, lovely Lynette, those things that God wants to build into her heart. And then as she reciprocates that to me, then together, we offer that to our world. This is why the fruit of the spirit in Galatians is so critical and important. We've covered this over the past couple of weeks. It's love, it's joy, it's patience, it's kindness. It is offering to others, a sense of love and joy in life. And when I offer that to my mate, even though she doesn't always deserve it, or I don't always deserve it, we'll put it in the right perspective, then we reciprocate it, and then together as a team, we offer that to our world. And marriage has the advantage of making life better for others who even interact with you and they are a direct extension of God's grace. We see this in the lives of many within Rockpoint who have become foster parents, who are adopting children, who are practicing what it means to express justice and love and kindness, and to walk humbly with our God, helping neighbors in need, those with special needs. All of this stuff is packed in here. It's finding significance as we offer love to others, our wives, our husbands, and also to our world. But God has also given us a specific purpose. He saved us for a reason. Ephesians chapter 2:10 says, "For we are his workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." Now God has wired Lynette a certain way, he's wired Roy a certain way, and that's the specific purpose. And we help our mates understand their sweet spot by encouraging them to pursue their interests and their passions and their calling and their profession. And that's built into Ephesians chapter 5. That's why a husband loves his wife and nourishes her. And that's why she responds to respect with him, it says down in verse 33, as he wraps it all up here. So we make it real, these affirmations, in order for them to find a specific purpose. And then also God has wired us with a relational purpose, which we've already talked about. It's fascinating to me. When you look into the life of Jesus, a particular passage in chapter 6 of the Book of Luke in verse 27 through 31, Jesus is talking about how we treat one another with forgiveness and with love and service. And then he makes a startling statement, he says, "Do to others as you would like them to do to you." So within your marriage relationship, there is a relational purpose whereby I find significance in loving her as I want lovely Lynette to love me. And then as we do that together, we offer that to other people, why? Because we were designed, as I said, to reflect God's image in relationship with one another and with others. And one of the ways that we gain a sense of significance is living lives that make it easier for people to live around us and to live their life. And then finally there is a spiritual purpose. We find significance together as we represent the image of God through our world. And as I've said so often over the past couple of weeks, we reflect God's gospel of grace to others around us. Well, we wanna land this grace-filled concept here with one more inner need. And that is the need for strength, to live in a world that is not easy, to live in a world where we encounter obstacles over and over, not only for our spiritual lives as individuals, whether it's work at home, wherever that might be, but also even in the midst of our life here on this planet and in our marriage relationship, we need a sense of hope that we can make it, that we can get there. And God ultimately gives that to us. And that's why grace gives our spouses strong hope. But again, I go back to a biblical foundation and I want you to turn, if you will, quickly to Romans chapter 5, and I want you to look at verse one. It's amazing to me, again, how God wraps up these ideas in our relationship with him. Because again, grace is treating others the way God has treated us. And you'll see this wrapped up with all of these concepts of grace and hope and all of it right here in the five verses that I'm gonna read out of Romans chapter 5, starting in verse 1, God says through the apostle Paul to us, "Therefore, since we have been justified by faith," by trusting in Christ as savior and Lord, this is where the redemption happens, where I put my faith in him, I trust him as my savior, I've been declared righteous, or just as if I had never sin. Sin is paid for, I've experienced his grace. That's the game changer. Notice what happens. "We have peace with God through our Lord, Jesus Christ. Now through him, we also have obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand. And we rejoice," notice this, "in hope of the glory of God." Grace is God did for us what we could never do for ourselves. And so through faith in Jesus Christ, I have entered into this incredible thing of God's grace, whereby Jesus paid the price for my sin, I stand in this and then I have hope. I have hope through Jesus. I know he ultimately meets my needs. I know he satisfies all of these things, but he has also wired me to pass that grace on to my spouse. Now notice what happens. Not only that, he says, in verse three, "but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance and endurance produces character and character produces hope. And hope does not put us to shame because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us," notice this, in the midst of suffering, in the midst of enduring in this life, we have hope. Ultimately, that we're going to heaven. We've got security there. We know that Jesus Christ has changed us. He's taking us to heaven, but he's also given us his grace for the day to day world in which we live, so that we can make it. So that we can grow and become his child in this world. That's the foundation. Now what this looks like in a marriage relationship comes in a couple of ways. It's when we encourage the God-given abilities of our spouse. And once again, we're back to that affirmation. Your spouse has been created by God for a strategic purpose in this world. And they wanna know, can I make it, can I fulfill that? Well, that's when we come alongside and we encourage them and let them know what they're good at. And this is where we become our spouse's greatest cheerleader. And here's the phrase, "You can do it, you can make it." We all face walls in our life. We face it in a variety of different ways, but this is when we come alongside and we encourage them, "You can do it, you can make it." How many of you hit a brick wall in your life? At some point we all have, and I've been there. And that's where my loving Lynette would come into my life, and I've seen this happen, where she's said, "You can do this," where I didn't think I could, or I didn't want to, because of whatever I was going through. You can do this. And that's where you come alongside and you encourage them. Now this goes right along with that second phrase you see in your notes. It's when we encourage our spouse toward great accomplishments. Again, our spiritual lives, we were in a free fall mode. And it was God who showed up and saved us and transformed us. It was God who grabbed us by his grace. And now he says, I want you to do some great things for the kingdom. Well this is where we come alongside our husband or come alongside of our wife, and we say, you can do this. God wants to continue to work in your life no matter what you've gone through. Because many of us have failed at a job. We've started out with a venture and we didn't get that promotion or something has happened where we begin to ask some serious questions about what we've gone through. But this is where a husband or a wife comes in. And yes, sometimes ask some hard questions. Doesn't excuse, you know, poor behavior. That's not what we're talking about here. We're talking about those moments when you need to know that you can do this with God's help in your life. And that's what they do. Now this is particularly true, when a spouse has experienced the dark side of sin. Where addiction has happened, where a line has been crossed, where there's been financial ruin or something else, this is where a spouse comes in and says, wait a minute, I'm in this with you. I'm walking alongside of this with you. We can make this. And the reason is, because they're looking at this marriage through the lens of God's grace. And then finally this understanding of finding hope in the midst of it all and the strength that we can have within the marriage, happens when we communicate, we are in this marriage for life. No matter where we are, whether it's the second marriage, third year marriage, first marriage, it doesn't matter. And that's where we land back in Ephesians 5, because Paul makes it so clear that the goal here is that the two will become one flesh for life. That is the covenant relationship. Because it really takes years, a lifetime, to unpack what it means to live out grace within this relationship. So here's the next steps for you as you leave today. First off, there's a book that I have been drawing heavily from that I want you to pick up. It's called "Grace Filled Marriage." It's written by Dr. Tim Kimmel. Now if you were checking our podcasts out this summer, I did a podcast with Tim, Part one, Part two, I'd encourage you to go back and look at that. But the book is "Grace Filled Marriage." "Sacred Marriage" was the other book I referenced, and then also "Grace Filled Marriage." Here's the evaluation I want you to go through. Remember I told you, evaluate your relationship based on the definition of love? Here's what I want you to do. I want you to develop a scorecard from one to five, for all three of these major needs that are in your life. Now God has met them all, but you're gonna evaluate where you are with meeting those needs with your spouse. So get a scorecard out, one is low, five is high, okay? So one is low, five is high. I want you to go through each one of these areas, and here's what I want you to do. I want you to evaluate yourself and your marriage in light of these needs. How are we doing when it comes to a secure love? How are we doing when it comes to a significant purpose, together, individually, and then to our world? And then how are we doing when it comes to a strong hope? Now notice what I said, evaluate yourself and your marriage. Don't evaluate your spouse. Don't go there. And then begin to brainstorm as a couple, some ways in which you can grow and step out in faith. And by all means, here's how I wanna wrap this whole thing up. We've gone through three weeks of this. You cannot have a healthy marriage apart from God's grace and a relationship with him. And that happens when you commit your life to Jesus Christ. That happens when you finally humble yourself and you acknowledge your sin and you turn in repentance and you put faith in Christ as the one who died for you and rose from the grave. And you commit to make him the Lord of your life, the Lord of your marriage, and live with his direction and power within you. And when that step happens, he begins to change you. And then you begin to reflect the good news of God's grace to your world and reflect what Christ has done for you and your marriage to those around you. If you've never made that step, I'd love to talk with you afterwards, call us, contact us during the week. We will help you start that journey of God's grace together. Let's pray. Father, thank you for your love. Thank you for your goodness. Thank you for the hope that's found through Christ. It's in his name that we pray, amen.